From A Weekend in the Country
Episode 312, originally aired January 19, 2000
Joey: Who are these people? I mean , they're dancing, nobody dances in the kitchen.
Dawson: My parents danced in the kitchen. I mean, my parents love this movie. This is like the definitive movie of the entire Baby Boom generation.
Joey: Do your parents dance in the kitchen?
Pacey: My parents? No, they definitely don't dance in the kitchen.
Dawson: I don't know, I took all the movie pictures off my wall, everything's in question, I figured why not something unexpected for movie night.
Joey: Oh, so we're scaling new heights of Mount Lame?
Dawson: Sorry, Joey. Tonight's activities were meant to calm your nerves, not agitate them.
Joey: Well, that's impossible. I mean, this Bed and Breakfast has been open for a day, a very costly Bed and Breakfast mind you, and there are no guests. Have either one of you checked the reservations list? There's not a name to be found, not a one.
Dawson: Joey, it takes time to establish a reputation--
Joey: Dawson, Bessie and I have invested every dime we have. Along with guests, time is another thing that we don't have (The phone rings) Potter Bed and Breakfast, can I help you? No, actually I'm perfectly content with my long distance service, thank you. But how 'bout you? I mean, thinking about a vacation? Come to the Cape, take a room at our lovely… She hung up on me. A telemarketer hung up on me.
Pacey: Come on, Jo, keep the faith.
Joey: Is that all you have to say, considering that you were the primary force that escorted Bessie and I down this road to economic ruin?
Pacey: All I did was figure out a way to kick in some free labor.
Joey: You, Pacey Witter, single-handedly encouraged this pipe dream. I mean, you should know better than going around inspiring financially and spiritually bereft people, people who have no business being inspired… Feet! (Pacey sighs and takes his feet down from where he's had them propped up. Joey hurriedly fixes her hair and opens the door. A couple stands there) Can I help you?
Dawson: Uh, Joey if you could try to look welcoming that would be great, because anxiety really doesn't fit in with this whole homey come-stay-with-us thing we're going for.
Joey: Dawson, I do toilets and I do windows. I draw the line at faux perkiness.
Pacey: Let me tell ya, kiddies, we are looking good. Looking good.
Joey: What canary did you swallow?
Pacey: Well, after having felt just a teensy, weensy little bit of guilt over having wrongfully inspired this establishment, I took it upon myself to expose the Potter B&B to the outside world via the mighty pen of Mr. Frederick Frickie.
Dawson: Fred who?
Pacey: Frickie. He's, I don't know, he's like the Roger Ebert of the B&B world. Writes for Travel, Travel and Leisure, and most importantly, he writes for the New York Times travel section, the next edition of which will have nothing but glowing things to say about this establishment, because one Mr. Fred Frickie is frequenting here.
Joey: He's coming here?
Pacey: Oh yeah, he's on his way back to Boston right now. Happened to fit into his plans, I gave him a call…
Joey: Are you insane? Have you seen the half-finished room? Have you tasted Bessie's blueberry pancakes? We're not ready for something like this! Not to mention that we don't have any guests…
Pacey: I beg to differ, we do have guests. Not only do we have guests, we have the perfect guests for the perfect heartwarming weekend at your local B&B. Guests, if you would, please… We have the sweet, God-fearing grandmother here to help her grandkids try to reconnect to the magical Creekside village where she frolicked as a little girl.
Andie: I'll need an 8am wake up call.
Jack: I take my OJ freshly squeezed.
Jen: Black coffee for me, and God help you if you wake me up before noon.
Pacey: And just to make sure that our home is filled with happy, boisterous people, we have a loving married couple here to spend a romantic weekend getaway.
Joey: One minor detail, Pacey, don't you think you could've asked me first?
Dawson: You think you could've left my parents out of it?
Joey: It was reckless.
Dawson: And insensitive.
Pacey: Okay, one at a time, shall we? Starting with you… I only asked Mitch to help, okay? It was his idea to bring Gale along.
Dawson: His idea?
Pacey: Yes, his idea. So if you want to tear somebody's head off, why don't you try the guy that sired you? And as for you, how could you possibly be so ungrateful after just having witnessed an outpouring of love and support that would've made George Bailey proud?
Joey: There is nothing wonderful about my life right now, okay? So I don't care how you do it, but you get Mr. Fricke on the phone and you tell him that there is no room at the inn.
Joey: Because you don't show a movie reviewer a rough cut, and you don't serve a food critic your first stab at a new recipe. Especially if that recipe is your last chance of keeping a roof over your head.
Dawson: What do you mean, last chance?
Joey: Bessie is thinking about taking out a mortgage.
Dawson: What? A mortgage? You can't let her risk the house!
Joey: Dawson, does the term "legal guardian" mean anything to you?
Pacey: Um, I'm sorry, Jo. I'll make this right, right now, okay?
Mitch: Whose head was that?
Pacey: Ah, not to worry, Coach. If anybody's head belongs on the chopping block, it's mine.
Mitch: What makes you say that?
Pacey: Oh, let me count the ways, shall we? For one, it was my idea to refurbish the old furnace instead of just buying a new one.
Mitch: Guilty as charged.
Pacey: Yeah, and this is the one you're really gonna love. It was my idea to bring Herr Fricke down to our little weekend in the country.
Mitch: You did?
Pacey: Yes. I did. Let me tell ya, it was no easy feat, okay? I had to pull out all the stops on that guy, use all my dazzling people skills. And for what? A comedy of errors that's probably going to put the Sisters Potter in the poorhouse
Mitch: You know what I think? I think that if I were Joey and Bessie, I would consider myself very lucky to have you in my life.
Pacey: Why? Everything and everybody that I touch, I screw up, all right? You're aware of the Midas touch, right? You've heard of that? Okay, well the Midas touch, whatever that is, I got the opposite.
Mitch: Don't be so sure. I mean, look at you. You're still at it, right? You haven't given up. Pace, instead of dwelling on everything that's gone wrong this weekend, so far, um… think about what you contributed. You've put a lot of selfless work into this place, right? That is the real question. Listen, that goes to the heart of who Pacey Witter is.
Mitch: What makes you care so much?